


The Call of Calypso

by Northern_Star



Category: Galaxy Quest (1999)
Genre: Comedy, Filming, Gen, Television, Women Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-22
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-05 12:21:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1093820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northern_Star/pseuds/Northern_Star
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this episode, Lt. Madison and the Protector women must take charge of the ship from incapacitated male senior officers and rescue Commander Taggart and his landing party held on an alien world.</p><p>At least, that's what the script says...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Call of Calypso

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Miggy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miggy/gifts).



"The writing on this show is really going downhill fast!" Jason complained as he burst into Gwen's dressing room. Gwen looked up, startled, from where her hairstylist was fixing her hair.

"Geez, chill out, Jason," the hairstylist said, shutting off the blowdryer before walking away to the far side of the room.

Jason glared at her retreating figure before turning his attention to Gwen. "Have you read the script?" he asked, obviously upset, tossing a copy of it in Gwen's lap.

"Of course I have," she calmly replied. "Most people read them before filming begins, you know..." Handing him back the document, she asked, "Why? What's the matter with it?" She was sure she knew exactly what he didn't like about it, but the thought of being able to put him back in his place a little was too hard to resist.

"It makes absolutely no sense at all is what's the matter with it," he complained. "This isn't how this show works!"

"Ah." Gwen raised an eyebrow at him. "You mean the fact that you don't get to rip your shirt off, or get the girl, or come out looking like a hero?"

Jason clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Whatever! I just wanted to give you a heads up, because the guys and I are going to go talk to the producers about this script. Who is this —" he glanced at the first page "— Margaret Meran, anyway? Ever heard of her?" 

"I might have heard that name before," said Gwen after a moment's hesitation. "I don't really see how the writing for this episode is worth complaining about to the producers, though. Are you that threatened by the fact that I get to command the ship for once?"

"No, of course not!"

"Oh, right, right, it's the part where you get —" she made air quotes "— _enslaved by a tribe of beautiful women_ that's gotten your panties all in a bunch." She drew a deep breath. "You know, if you bothered to look at polls, you'd see there are more and more women watching this show, and I think they deserve to see stronger female characters on TV. And as much as you'd probably enjoy it, we're not going to be doormats forever, Jason."

Jason stared at her for a long moment, then threw his hands in the air, muttering about feminists and left the room.

"Chauvinist," the hairstylist grumbled after him, as she came back to finish getting Gwen's hair done. "Don't mind him, hon, his bark is worse than his bite."

"Oh, I know, Peggy. And I'm not really worried anyway. The last time anyone complained about the writing on the show, they got all their lines deleted from the episode." Gwen laughed. They were going to film the episode as-is, she was sure of it.

___o00.00o___

**Galaxy Quest: The Journey Continues**  
 **Episode 12, " _The Call of Calypso_ "**  
 **Scene 1, Take 3.**

"Captain," said Lt. Madison, "I'm getting some sort of subspace radio signal."

Commander Taggart turned his attention to her. "Put it on speakers," he ordered.

"It's more like music than a message," said the lieutenant as she pressed a button on her console. The bridge of the Protector was immediately filled with what sounded like whale song.

"Cut!" the director yelled, as everyone else burst into laughter. "That's not the right song!" He sighed, clearly annoyed, and got out of his chair, pacing the floor and throwing his hands in the air. "Who's the idiot working the audio console today? Could you not bother to _look_ for the proper soundtrack? It's supposed to be a mermaid song, not a whale's! Must I do everything myself around here?"

"Terribly sorry, sir," a nervous young man replied over the studio's speaker system. "It won't happen again."

"Better not," the director grumbled, mostly to himself. Then louder he announced, "All right, everyone, let's try this again." He gave the actors a moment to get into position, then called "Action!"

An assistant displayed the clapperboard that had been set to show "Take 4," and filming resumed.

"Captain," Lt. Madison announced, "I'm getting some sort of subspace radio signal."

"Put it on the ship's speakers," Commander Taggart ordered without delay.

"It's more like music than a message," the lieutenant explained before hitting a button on her communication's console. The bridge of the Protector was immediately filled with an harmonious, unearthly chorus.

All the men on the bridge looked up toward the ceiling, some with their mouths gaping, all of them seemingly enthralled. 

"It seems to be calling us," Laredo remarked.

A little further away, the director relaxed in his chair.

___o00.00o___

**Galaxy Quest: The Journey Continues**  
 **Episode 12, " _The Call of Calypso_ "**  
 **Scene 16, Take 1.**

The scene was set to begin with an off-camera recording that would be added during editing. On set, a production assistant read it off for the actors to be able to follow their cues. "Ship's log, supplemental. Lt. Madison commanding. We have assembled an all-female security team, according to Dr. Lazarus' request."

At that moment, a group of women walked into the transportation room. They all wore identical short dresses, the bodice of which loosely resembled the uniforms the other ship personnel wore, but the skirt was so short it barely covered the women's butts.

"Wait, what on earth are you girls wearing?" Gwen asked, breaking from character.

"Those are standard issue uniforms for female security personnel," one of the props assistants answered with a bit of a shrug, as everyone else on set slowly began taking their positions for another take.

"Since when are _those_ standard issue?" Gwen replied in an annoyed tone. There was nothing about these things that was standard. The _standard_ uniforms were jumpers like the one Gwen wore, which she had to unzip almost all the way to her belly-button in order to look even remotely sexy in. Skimpy had never been standard on this spaceship before!

The director sighed, got up from his chair and walked over to Gwen, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Since today," he said, in a tone meant to comfort the actress. "We've never had female security officers on this show before, so the costume department designed a batch of uniforms especially for them. I think they look pretty good, really. Don't you?"

"But they're —" Gwen began, stopping abruptly. She felt a twinge of jealousy that they found the other women worthy of short-cut skirts and low-cut tops while she was stuck in her sexless jumper, but she forced herself to suppress the feeling. Besides, that had just given her an idea… "It doesn't make sense that these show more skin than what production has the Taurean women wearing, though. They're supposed to be irresistibly beautiful, and yet here we are, upstaging them."

The director frowned. "You know...come to think of it, you're right. This can't work." He let go of her shoulders, then as he turned, started shouting, "Get me wardrobe here on the double, we need to get these girls in something else, pronto!"

Gwen had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from smiling victoriously.

___o00.00o___

**Galaxy Quest: The Journey Continues**  
 **Episode 12, " _The Call of Calypso_ "**  
 **Scene 18, Take 12.**

"Release Commander Taggart and his men, or we will destroy this temple!" Lt. Madison announced, pointing her weapon at the Head Female. The security team she had brought along did the same, pointing theirs at the other Taurean women.

"Wait!" the Head Female pleaded with her. "I will tell you everything." She turned, took a breath and hummed a few inharmonious, high-pitched notes.

The director sighed, then quickly announced, "Never mind, we'll just fix it in post. Keep rolling!"

Assistants off-camera pulled on each sides of a thick velvet curtain to reveal a green screen behind it. Images of the Taureans’ past would be inserted there later, but for now there was nothing to be seen.

"This is the race from whom we are descendants," the Head Female explained. "They came to this planet when our home world began to die. They built this place and all surrounding it. They did not know this planet drains humanoid energy. But the women’s bodies developed a glandular secretion enabling them to survive and to manipulate certain areas of the male’s brains; influence their emotional senses. Ultimately it drained them. Caused them to weaken and die." She paused a moment, then bowing her head, explained, "To survive, we must vitalize every 27 years of your time."

Another of the Taurean females added, "We are eternal prisoners. We neither age, nor die. We are unable even to bear children."

"What about Commander Taggart and the others? Can your orb locate them?" asked Lt. Madison in a warmer tone, as she lowered her weapon.

"We shall see," the Head Female said before turning to the green screen again. "The men of the Protector," she ordered, "Reveal them."

After a few seconds of everyone staring at the green screen and pretending to see fascinating images upon it, the director called "Cut!" and the assistants finally let go of the heavy curtain.

___o00.00o___

**Galaxy Quest: The Journey Continues**  
 **Episode 12, " _The Call of Calypso_ "**  
 **Scene 22, Take 7.**

Commander Taggart materialized on the transporter pod, along with the rest of the men who'd been sent back down to the planet, in order to reverse the aging process. "Did it work?" he asked, looking at his hands, then at his shipmates.

"You're more handsome than ever," Lt. Madison told him, a smile on her face. It was a little forced, but Gwen hoped that this time, it looked genuine enough that the director wouldn't have them do yet another take. As much as the idea of this episode still pleased her, she'd had more than enough of filming it already — the men's complaints, the wardrobe department's obvious bias, and the multiple takes for every single scene. It hardly seemed worth it anymore.

Taggart walked off the transporter pod and walked out of the room.

"Aaaaaand cut!" the director announced. 

Gwen sighed in relief. Only one scene left to shoot.

___o00.00o___

**Galaxy Quest: The Journey Continues**  
 **Episode 12, " _The Call of Calypso_ "**  
 **Scene 23, Take 2.**

"Tell Commander Taggart we have kept our agreement," the Head Female told Lt. Madison gravely.

Madison nodded. "A crew of women will bring a ship back. You'll be transported to the nearest suitable planet. Dr. Lazarus says it should only take a few months before you'll be like other women again."

"A life of hope, new learning," said the Head Female in a relieved tone. She paused a moment before adding, "Perhaps…love?" with a coy smile. "Oh, it is a much better future than immortality." 

A little further away, the director called "Cut!" for the last time. "That's a wrap," he said. "Good work everyone! I'll see you all back on Monday, bright and early." A few of the assistants clapped, and everyone soon started to vacate the set.

___o00.00o___

Jason nudged Gwen with his shoulder, as she walked by. "Nice job commanding the ship," he told her.

"Like it's hard!" said Gwen in a chuckle. "If it was, they wouldn't have _you_ do it."

"Har, har!" Jason rolled his eyes. "You know, it's too bad the planet had an all-female colony, or you might have been able to enjoy _all_ the perks of being in command of the Protector."

"How do you know I didn't anyway?" said Gwen, smirking as she slipped into her dressing room. She glanced over her shoulder just in time to see Jason's jaw go slack, his eyes widening in bewilderment at the connotations, just as she shut the door, laughing wholeheartedly. 

"What's so funny?" Peggy, the hairstylist asked, barely looking up as she finished putting her things away. The week was over for everyone.

"The expression on Jason's face just now," Gwen replied, waving a dismissive hand. "It was priceless."

Walking in Gwen's direction, Peggy pulled a piece of paper from her purse and handed it to her. "Here you go, hon," she said.

Gwen frowned when she saw that it was a check, which hairstylist had signed over. "Oh, Peggy, no, I told you before that money was yours. You deserve it." She handed her the check back.

"Whatever for?" Peggy chuckled. "You did all the work! All I did was lend you my maiden name to put on the front page." Grabbing the check from Gwen's hand, she folded it in two and unceremoniously slipped it into one of the pockets of Gwen's uniform. "In fact," Peggy added, picking up her purse and her big bag of hairstyling equipment,"if you ever need to use it again, it's all yours!"

Gwen smiled, idly wondering if there was any way she might write something that would have the _men_ scantily clad for once... Now wouldn't that be fun?

 

> End.

**Author's Note:**

> The plot of the episode they are filming is from a Star Trek: Animated episode entitled "The Lorelei Signal," written by Margaret Armen (who most probably never worked in an hairstyling department at all...) -- a lot of the dialog used while the GQ actors are filming is taken directly from that episode. I picked it because the women get to kick ass in this episode, _as they should_. :)
> 
> With much thanks to the three wonderful ladies who helped me get from a vague idea to a completed fic. You girls rock! (and totally kick ass, too.) <3


End file.
